I am in my unknowing

Hope is important, and so we want to focus on "ways out of this mess." But, as the Buddhists say, hope is the other side of fear, and the two are always connected, like heads and tails on a coin. So, it can be delusional to believe that focusing on manifesting means you have unattached from fear. The Buddhists say we cannot escape fear through hope; we escape fear by abandoning hope.


You don't see many workshops titled, "How to abandon hope," and there are no certified practitioners of it. It's a difficult idea to work with, because the cowboy mentality we have embedded in us equates abandoning hope with "giving up," which only a loser would do. You'll never get rich by giving up, you'll never invent the gizmo or solve a problem by giving up. You'll never reach spiritual perfection by giving up.

When I go out in the dark morning for my daily prayer, I often get wrapped up in prayers for manifesting, ascending, growing, raising, serving, expanding. And so often, what happens is a breeze raises up during my prayer (today, that breeze carried a -18 degree wind chill - argh). The little wind chimes in the garden sing, and a power dances around me reminding me that everything is far bigger than my manifesting, and that I might consider trying to be more like the wind chimes. It might be good for me to stop singing prayers for a minute and try to let the hum of the earth sing its way into me, and hold me - that deep earth song like "TV static slowed down 10,000 times." In that moment, I am reminded that very little on this earth is about me, and it's worth remembering that in the grand scheme, very little is about human beings.

Awhile ago I put put a little piece in which I referred to a nice prayer-mantra, "I am in my knowing." It affirms that the higher self always knows what it wants, regardless of the next dramatic frenzy that the lower self thinks up. In the garden, in the dark morning, with the winter wind telling me to become wind chimes, the other phrase popped up: "I am in my unknowing."

This phrase affirms that 99.999% of everything is beyond my understanding, and I should not forget to travel into that spaciousness, that void, that womb, as often as I work work work on my personal transforming vibration ascension. So, a truly simple practice of abandoning hope and the frenzy of personal growth is to sit quietly in the dark and allow yourself to be in your unknowing. Repeat it out loud for awhile, and let the winter remind you that's okay to not figure it out today, to not solve it right now, to just be.