How to Not Do New Year's Resolutions Backwards

The problem here is that resolutions are most often made from a place of self-deprecation, even self-contempt: Something is lacking in me, I hate myself for it, and I will – MUST! - change. This is the backwards way we’ve been taught to make resolutions.

When we begin with what is ugly in us, we are lodged in fear. No decent, long-lasting change is fueled by fear. Fear can create swift change, but not good change, or long-lasting change. Any intention that sprouts form the soil of fear will soon wither, and that’s why the New Year’s Resolution failure rate is so high.

So, I suggest this approach to the New You that wants to emerge in the New Year: Forget about self-improvement. Whenever that voice raises up needling you to better yourself, sit down, take a few deep breaths, close your eyes, imagine your heart center opening, and ask the Spirit of Creation to "show me right now what is trying to convince me that am trapped." After a few moments of contemplating that, try turning your attention to this question: "Before my parents conceived me, what was my original nature?" Spend some time with that. The shamans may call this “touching your true nature,” and this is the pool of power from which to set intentions.

Here is another idea: Forget about "this is what I should/must do to become better." Place your attention on a simple (yet totally loaded) question: "How do I want to feel?" (Not "how do I want to stop feeling," but "how do I want to feel?"). This is a deceptive question. Voices may quickly pop up saying "Bah-humbiddy-hogwash! That's so simple-minded! It’s denial and spiritual bypassing! It’s shallow! And everything is out of control and so very complicated - in this shit-flooded world, you can’t just choose how you want to feel!” You absolutely can, because we do it all the time. We just typically choose to feel like the world expects us to feel, which is, often, lacking, guilty, mad, overwhelmed, afraid, greedy, envious – on and on.

Shamans understand a "resolution" as a commitment we make in partnership with Spirit, including one's helping spirits and nature allies. The Celts called it "the vow to the elements,” and it's one kind of shamanic prayer. But our helping spirits don't read our self-contemptuous, discipline filled action plan ("I will start working out!") because it's usually full of the fear of being judged, which means its secretly written by other people, often without us even being aware. 

Spirit reads our heart and it understands that an intention spoken cleanly from the upper heart can be activated in many, many, many ways, most of which the rational, practical, mind - obedient to cultural programming and social judgment - quickly rejects. (What I mean by "spoken cleanly" is an intention that is purely, courageously, sincerely your own, not one foisted on you by someone else or by the culture. And what I mean by "upper heart" is an intention free of any fear, an intention that makes you feel happy when you behold it.)

So, my advice is: give a try to framing your clean intention of how you truly want to feel in 2026 and then ask Spirit to help you activate it. Ask your helping spirits to design and show you the action plan. (God help me, I’m going to say it: your helping Spirits are like AI of the otherworld, and what you need is a clear prompt.) If you want to resolve something, resolve to watch for the plan they create for you. Resolve to say yes to it when it arrives. Resolve to be open to it arriving in ways that you never thought it could. Resolve to be courageously, sincerely, loving yourself.